Friday, February 12, 2010

don't you dare believe

Love, is there such a thing? Is love an object describable by science? Or is it just an emotion that's why it is considered non-scientific? What then is it really?

Who in the world never experienced love? Who in the world will never experience it? Perhaps no one, if you would agree with me. For love does not only appear in the presence of a person to whom you are romantically entangled with but it also comes in different circumstances.

An example is friendship, the so called ground base level of romance, a friend could be a person you trust the most or a person that could be considered your "shock absorber". For some, the usage of friend is someone to be the vanguard shield that leads them to salvation but leaving the person in a hell condition, such a sad situation though, but we know that this happens.

Selfishness is a form of love too. Perhaps you would affirmatively go with what I mean, right? Because you could not be selfish if you are not ultimately in love with yourself?

But friendship or selfishness that I'm to talk about here but the love all of us knows, romantic kind of love, that is.

Most of the people in the world have experienced the joy of the topic, but almost all who has loved has also experienced the pain of failure. It feels like being bankrupt after investing your all to a business you thought would give you more benefits in the end. Actually, I am not an exemption to that happening.

It all started way back in high school, I had this girl I have always wanted, she was an ordinary school girl with nothing very special connected to her, but I fell for her, I just wonder. Never sure why and what happened, I started courting her, and for the first and only time of my life, a girl put me down, she dumped me. It was a painful experience, but I never lost hope, so I continued my "pure" intentions towards her which finally led to a victorious YES from her. It felt like I was in cloud nine that time, a happiness which seemed not to be contained in my heart alone, but it was a mind game, never knowing my agony has just started after her promising answer.

We started going to college one day. I thought it would just be fine for both of us, but what I thought was the irony of what really happened. She started becoming cold towards me, she never texts me, and other things women do when they don't want you anymore. It was really frustrating, the times we spent together seemed to fade away as I look at her from a far being happy with her new friends, and leaving me wounded.

She tried a couple of times breaking up with me, but I never let her go, and fortunately, she never text back her answer. Until one Valentine's Day of the year 2008, everything ended to dust, she told me her feelings have changed and she wants me to get out of her life, those were the not worst word I have heard, but it felt the most painful of all.

For months, I didn't know what to do, I leaped from a girl's arm to another just to forget the tragedy I have experienced. It seemed to work though, but when I'm alone, I still felt empty.

Until, one day, a text message appeared. It said "Hi, kumusta na ka?" ( Hi, how are you? ), it was from her, from the girl who caused me everything.

After that, we became friends again. I have proven myself that I was not angry or vengeful towards her that was why, I asked her to ones again give it another blow. And fortunately, she gave me a smile of hope. And maybe you know what happened next.

It was a hell of a roller coaster ride, but it was a fun and exciting ride. And so I would say those were the things LOVE has given me. This is the reason why, the next time, I will dare not believe that love gives joy, for next time, I will take it not by BELIEVING, but by FAITH.

Right, Neiza?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

study like crazy

Until when does a person want to study? Up to what extent does a person have to stay in school? Doesn't it bore them? I mean having experienced leaving more than half of my life in school already bores me, how much more are those people who have stayed almost all their life in the institution?

Well, i can't blame anybody for that, if it is what they like, i'll let them be. Just spare me from that prolonged agony in trying to live my life.

Actually, i just know some one who seemed to never want to leave school. She's not that old though, 0nly about my age, but she does not seem to get bored going to school. i'll tell you her story.

Her name is Mary Ann Tolabing, i knew her by about 4 years already. By that time she was a senior i was still a year from college. We had some good time together though, romantically speaking, but that's another story.

Anyway, it was a warm dusky background when we had the freedom to speak our minds that time, and we came upon what she always wanted to talk about, "school". She told me that time she would never settle unless she becomes a lawyer. Well, given the benefit of the doubt, i believed her, then she started talking about taking up medicine, then joining the armed forces, then i said, "what the hell are you talking about?", surely was hilarious, and eventually, i forgot about it after the years has passed.

We met just recently, there was nothing special about that meeting, until we talked about how life has been. I heard she was a licensed midwife already, it made me remember about how she wanted to take up a medical course. Then she told me how she trained for the armed forces, though she failed, i was surprised, i even asked her, "is time too long, that you have done those for just a span of a few years?", she just laughed. Now i am starting to believe that she does not want to leave studying, because now, believe it or not, she's taking up Mass Communication. She told me that she's taking up the course because it would be her base course to be able to take up law. God, she seemed never to rest.

After we met, i asked myself, should i be contented after i finish this course I'm in? Well, maybe not or maybe yes, I'm a different person after all.